- posted by Steven @ 4:10 p.m.

 
Over at the Kingpins guestbook, former frontman, current daddy, and eternal legend Paddy Walsh offers his advice to barflys of the future.

"Hi kids. I hope Lolo Does'nt mind me using the guestbook for a second, but I've been bothered the last few months. You see, since I've become a daddy, I don't hang in bars anywhere near as much as I used too and I don't see this situation changing anytime soon. I fear that all the barstool wisdom that I've accumulated in the years is going to go to waste and perish with me in my old age. I have thus decided to share with you various tricks of the trade in the fine art of bar boozing. This first installment is called the "I don't know who this guy is but he looks familiar and will probably be pissed if I can't remember his name" installment:

Here goes: You’re a popular person and meet lots of people. And just how in the hell are you supposed to remember all their names? Of course they remember your name—there’s only one of you and thousands of them!

How it’s done: You stroll in the bar and he walks right up, says your name very confidently and shakes your hand. He looks familiar, that’s for sure, but what the hell is the bastard’s name? You have several options. You could say, “I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten your name,” but then you’d come off as a self-absorbed jerk. It’s much better to substitute his name for a friendly tag, i.e., “Long time no see, buddy!” Pal or the more neutral dude will also suffice. Better yet, use a familiarly with a little color like, “Hey, what’s the haps, streetwise?” If you can remember a single thing about the guy, bring it up immediately to further suppress his suspicions, such as, “Hey, how’s the jaw? That girl really slapped you hard.”

If you are with someone, try to duck the introduction, because that will blow your ruse wide open. If push comes to shove, however, introduce your friend first, then hope the guy will fill in the blank. Say, “Oh, hey, this is my girlfriend, Sally. Sally, this is my old pal . . . ” If your girl is already reaching for his hand he will probably say his name. If he doesn’t, just let it hang. He’s probably fucking with you and now holds the moral high ground. You have no choice but to buy him a drink.

But the war isn’t over. Stay within earshot of the mysterion and try to leech his name and personal information off his conversation with friends. Once you hear it, wait a few moments, then go in for the kill: “So, John, how’s the telemarketing business treating you?” Now you have the upper hand. Stand right there and wait for that buy-back cocktail."
- posted by Steven @ 6:34 p.m.